Goodbye Utah, Hello Texas

Apparently I am now in a land where the appropriateness of wearing cowboy boots in the workplace needs to be discussed SEVERAL times during orientation.

I think my last haircut MIGHT have been a bad one...

New hairstylist: So....you cut your own bangs?

Me: Um...no....

New Hairstylist: Wow, I'm sorry....

Me:....

To My Mom, I Will Always Be 10 Years Old

Me: (helping my Mom with some legal documents) Okay Mom, you need to file the Petition first, but remember you have to sign it in front of a notary before you file it.

Mom: This all sounds complicated. Are you sure I shouldn't hire a lawyer to do all this?

Me: MOOOOOMMM...I AM a lawyer!!

Mom: Oh yeah...

Goodbye Utah Pt 1

I went to the UVU dental clinic to get my teeth cleaned and x-rayed for $40. It was an awesome deal AND an awesome reminder about what I will NOT miss about Utah County.

Me: (sits down in dental chair)

Hygienist: So...what do you do?

Me: I'm completing my pre-requisites to go to graduate school. I want to be a physician's assistant.

Dental Hygienist: Oh that's great! Okay, let's have a look here. (I open my mouth) Looks like you have a scar on your forehead, another scar on your chin, a canker sore on the edge of your lips, and...oh! there's another canker on your gums. Do you get those a lot?

Me: (feeling attractive) Um....yeah....

Dental Hygienist: Soooo...you said you're going to go to graduate school?

Me: Yep

DH: Wait, are you going or did you mean your husband?

Me: (confused look)

DH: Oh silly me! You're not married! You're not wearing a ring!

I wanted to sarcastically say "Yeah, the silliest assumption you made today was that I'm married," but I didn't because I didn't want her to angrily poke me in the gums with that metal scraper thingy.

Chanukah

Today a 2nd grade girl gave a presentation to the rest of the class about Chanukah. I was really worried about the reaction of the LDS and Catholic kids when the whole "Jewish people don't believe Jesus was the Messiah" thing came up, however, things started out really well.

2nd grade boy: So, if you burn the candles down every night, how do you not run out of candles in eight nights?

2nd grade girl giving presentation: Well...we buy more than eight candles at the store.

2nd grade boy: OOOOHHHHHH

Later

2nd grade girl: Do the candles have to be certain colors?

Girl giving presentation: No, they can be any color you want!

Me (SO GRATEFUL the kids are more focused on candles than Jesus): Okay, any last questions?

2nd grade boy raises his hand

Me: Yes, Randall?

2nd grade boy: The other night my dad and I were reading the Bible, and it says that the Jews were the ones that killed Jesus.

I think it's the first time I've AUDIBLY groaned after a student has said something.

A New Low

Today when my alarm when off I told myself that if I got out of bed I could eat a cookie.

I can't believe I've resorted to bribing myself with snack foods to get out of bed in the morning.

I'm pretty sure I'm regressing in this game we call life.

If I could prosecute guys like this...

I would ALMOST consider being a prosecuting attorney.

He has money stained with dye and a gun in his car, but he thinks he's hot stuff for "creatively" disposing of the stick up note...BRILLIANT!

** And when I say "creatively," I really mean stupidly...as in stupidly eating your way to ANOTHER felony ((1) bank robbery, (2) tampering with evidence).

*** Don't miss the look on his face at 0:33!!!